After Desert (6)

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天氣變冷了
我也搬回新竹了

不喜歡孤獨，卻又害怕兩個人相處
天長地久是多麼的恐怖

我不死也為活得好

當然
要不是還有點希望在
還是當自由落體快活一點

孫越得了肺癌
我很想知道
醫界和董事雞雞會口口聲聲抽菸有罪
我用屁眼讀過的生化，分生和生理
也知道抽菸會引起細胞的mutation

但是在台灣每年檢測出肺癌的人數假設是100
其中菸槍占90% 或是 60% ???

一堆奇怪的學者和機構(包括國衛院)
提出了燻黑肺葉的照片
說甚麼抽菸會少活二十年
或是得肺癌的機率會上升個兩三成

人生是個不可逆的過程
以賤民如我當樣本
在抽了十年菸之後我得了肺癌
你如何知道如果我不抽菸會不會得肺癌 ???
其中的機率相差多少如何計算 ??

快感和早死如何取捨 ???

今年不幸被檢查出肺癌的一百人
到底有多少人是抽菸 ??
多少人是宿命(gene) ??

b-(
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After desert (5)

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[肉身菩薩，夜晚渡眾生]

我常常會想起那些以肉身和笑容拯救我的人，
以及那些不願意的人，
願意不願意都沒有錯，

只是我明白我需要被超渡，
雖然和妳接觸的是我的手，
我的舌，
我的陰莖，

但是唯一需要被取悅的，
卻是我的大腦。



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After Desert (4)

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I watch "Blood Diamond" this afternoon.
after above two hours
I only remember Danny said :
"That diamond is my ticket out of this God foresaken continent."

Everyone look for saving
buy lottery
buy a gril for shotting
look for your son to be a doctor
enter good college
get a master degree
interview a good job

but only a few lucky guy can leave fucking life
get up at 7:00 tired
sat ready in the office at 8:00
wating for the salary every month

so many sexy girl and wonderful car in this city
you cannot understand after dark coming
where is those beautiful ?
Who can insert her and shooting inside

Working over 12 hours everyday
Leaving office.......
lonely night and hand job yourself only

"Where is my ticket out of this God foresaken HsinChu??"



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After desert (3)

It is hard for me to sit b4 computer too long,
So I offen walk out of the building to take a smoke break !

The counter girl is the beautiful girl in this design house,

This afternoon she called me :" Tyler, here is your letter !!"
So surprised !! She remember me, a "宅男".


Of course ! I asked why she know me
"For work lo~" her smile is so sweet........
and ask her name !

PM 8:00 I leaved office
I try to recall her name,
but I cannot get anything, blank only .........

a engineer's working attitude lose a young counter girl so much ....
Not only the working attitude but I love her face so much.

Only about 5 hours, I forget a beautiful name ......

What a fucking reality.




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沙漠的背後 (2)

I asked a beautiful girl
"Could u enjoy a lunch with me ?"

"Sure" She answerd very quickly
"But do u have a car ??"

I feel pain and my useless,
I am a man near 30 years old,
worked in the Hsin-Chu Science Park.
my namecard is a engineer in a design house.

Certainly, I should have a car,
to take a lady to eat lunch.
and back to the office about 13:00,
eat something, touch each other,
Or ....................

Something we both expected,
Although the girl said:
"motorcycle is ok, too"

I still feel pain and lonesome,

Today, a girl take me to NCTU by her car,
she wanna to sing up NCTU master exam,
and I am a guide.........
cannot hold the wheel.

沙漠的背後 (1)

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夫纖嗇筋力，治生之正道也，而富者必用奇勝。
田農，掘業，而秦揚以蓋一州。 掘塚，奸事也，而田叔以起。
博戲，惡業也，而桓發用富。 行賈，丈夫賤行也，而雍樂成以饒。
販脂，辱處也，而雍伯千金。 賣漿，小業也，而張氏千萬。
灑削，薄技也，而郅氏鼎食。 胃脯，簡微耳，濁氏連騎。
馬醫，淺方，張里擊鍾。
此皆誠壹之所致。

史記 貨殖列傳

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我回到沙漠了